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Talk:NotAllMen/@comment-27397660-20160112173912/@comment-3575890-20160112194046
Esmiles IS very problematic, but the difference is that the power scale isn't tipped dramatically in one person's favor at the expense of the other. Esme and Miles are on equal footing in terms of the power dynamic. They both have strong, alpha traits that you would think wouldn't mesh well, but because they don't overpower each other, the similarity works in their favor. The most distinctive quality of all that sets Esmiles apart from Zaya though in terms of the respective problematic areas of both relationships is that Esme is simply misguided. She has good intentions, but they're not well placed. The opposite is said for Zaya. Zig lives in his head. He prioritizes his needs and wants above all else. He is selfish and self-serving. Everything he does, whether those actions are unabashedly self-serving or an illusory good deed, it is always to the means of a self-benefitting end. It is this selfishness inherent in his nature that propels him to continue to put himself above others at their expense. Always the goal-oriented go-getter, through a narrow scope, all he can ever see is the object of his desire. He ignores everything else surrounding the target. He either is willfully blind to the consequences of his actions and the impact that they have on others, or he just doesn't care who he has to hurt to get what he wants. Either way, he's a menace who will throw whoever he needs to under a bus to attain a desired result. One can surmise that he loves Maya based on the extreme lengths he will go to for her, but it's always for his own benefit, and retrosepctively, it is clear as day that whether he does in fact love Maya or not in his own selfish way, he loves himself a hell of a lot more. Going back to Esme and Esmiles, I won't deny that Esme has some self-serving and manipulative traits of her own, but where Miles is concerned, she genuinely sympathizes with his situation. She means to help him in the only way that she knows how to. Her methods are toxic and exert a bad influence over him, but she being just as troubled and unstable as he, can't help him any more than she can help herself. She needs somebody to help her before she is in any position to be someone's rock. But be as it may that she doesn't meet the qualifications of the task she's taken upon herself, it doesn't negate the good intention behind it. On the flip side, Zig's intentions are not aligned with Maya's best interest unless he benefits from it. His intentions derive from a place of self-gratifing incentive as exemplified in: Exhibit A: Wedging himself in between her other boyfriends despite that she was happy in those relationships at that time Exhibit B: Refusing to stop dealing drugs under her roof at the risk of implicating her and her family into his shady affairs Exhibit C: Antagonizing her boyfriends with intent to sabotage her relationships Exhibit D: Regretting not taking advantage of her at a time that she was vulnerable and unstable on the basis of that she would have been more cajolable Exhibit E: Not taking 'no' for an answer whether that be refusing to back off while she was romantically entangled with someone else, against her protests, or physically manhandling her against her will Exhibit F: Continuing to date her and involve her in his shady lifestyle while in a gang including bringing her over to his drug dealer's place Exhibit G: Guilting her for showing interest in befriending a male because he's too insecure to trust that his girlfriend won't cheat on him - you know, the way he cheated on Tori There are so many more instances where Zig has used self-serving maneuvers to get his way at the cost of Maya's happiness or safety, but those are just a few scoops of the proof pudding to make my point. Now going back to Esme once more, she may be calculating, manipulative, and ruthless, but these qualities that ail her and her relationships with other people stem from mental illness. It's not an excuse, but it better explains her behavior. There is, on the other hand, no explanation for Zig's behavior of these past four years beyond that of Zig quite simply being a selfish, entitled piece of shit. There is little hope that Zig will ever truly change his ways given that these negative traits are deeply ingrained in his nature. It's just who he is. His judgments aren't affected by some external force he can't control. Esme's judgment and actions are clouded by mental illness. There is hope for growth for as long as there is hope for recovery. We have yet to see who Esme really is without that veil of mental illness. Look how much Eli changed after he sought help for himself. It's much too early to pass judgment on Esme's character and thus, Esmiles. And like with Eli, there are mitigating factors that make Esme more sympathetic in spite of her actions. In juxtaposition of that, Zig has no real excuses as it stands now - although he certainly likes to make a lot up for himself. He's of sound mind, he's free from the gang, he has good, supportive friends, he has a sweet and caring girlfriend with an inclination to bend to his every whim. Life is great for him right now, but look at that; he's still an ungrateful entitled piece of shit with no regard for anyone but himself. At the crux of the difference between Zaya and Esmiles, there is no benefit for either of the characters that make up the Zaya ship. Zig never grows or learns from his mistakes with Maya. She stunts him into stagnancy. And Maya has even less to gain from a relationship with someone who doesn't respect her, manipulates her, tries to control her, takes advantage of her kindness, has sabotaged her former relationships, has bullied her, puts himself before her best interests, doesn't value her future aspirations, ignores her boundaries, etc, etc, etc. At least Esmiles are evenly matched. They are equally troubled so they can relate to and understand each other, they have the same needs, and through that window of potential kinship, just might one day be able to fullfill them, they are equally unstable so nobody is going to get stuck with the caregiving role the way that Maya has had to carry Zig's burdens - instead, they can help each other and heal together. Unlike with Zaya, where character and relationship growth is stunted by a plethora of compatibility issues, there is room for Esmiles to grow together. They can lean on each other in the darkest of times. They've already started getting into trouble together, but the other side of the coin is that they can learn from their shared experiences together. There is a world of potential within Esmiles that Zaya couldn't get within ten feet of no matter how many issues of theirs they may try to fix to no avail. Zaya inherently just don't work and never will. Esmiles have a greater chance at least compatibility-wise because the both of them still have so much growing up to do and changes to undergo.